10 Things I’ve Learned About Marriage (So Far)

Get ready for a sappy love post!

Travis and I just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary this week. (And by celebrate, I mean we exchanged the traditional 2-year “cotton” gifts and then went on with the evening, business as usual…we will try to do something more special this weekend. Romance is not our strong suit.)

Two years have seriously flown by. We had a beautiful wedding in my hometown over Thanksgiving Weekend, surrounded by all of our closest family and friends. It truly was a dream come true, and I know I will ALWAYS look back at that weekend as one of the best of my life. It’s hard to top Thanksgiving 2015, that’s for sure!

Anyway, while I am by NO MEANS claiming to be any sort of marriage expert (at all), I thought I would share the top 10 most relevant things that I have picked up on over the past couple of years.

I will start by saying that, man, I sure picked a good one. My husband, Travis is a wonderful man, to the point that my own mother backs him up during an argument. That definitely helps make being married easier! I also want it to be known that we still have it pretty easy at this point, and have not had to experience many challenges or hardships that test a marriage (like children, loss of employment, an ill parent, etc.) But it is also not always rainbows and butterflies for us either, and one thing I have found so far is that the difficult times draw us even closer together, not farther apart. But here’s what I have learned, am still learning, and hope to learn as the years progress!

1.  Always stay humble. Always know that you can do better. Anytime I start to get aggravated by something my husband does, I try to remind myself to take a good long look in the mirror.  I am not perfect, nor is he, but as long as we are both always forgiving of each other’s faults (knowing we have plenty of our own), that is all we can ask of each other.
2. Appreciate the small things. Travis does a lot of really wonderful, easy to overlook acts of kindness or jobs around the house. He takes the trash cans out to the street on trash day. He asks if I need help making dinner. He fills my water bottle when it’s empty. I think it’s really important to point out that I notice those things, and that I appreciate them. A small “Thank You” can go a long way.
3. Choose your couple friends wisely. I think negativity is a bit contagious.  It’s one thing to joke around a little with your girlfriends about what your husband did/said or silly pet peeves, but it’s another thing to sit around and just pick your spouses apart. It only exacerbates what is probably a small issue anyway. Instead, try to surround yourself with friends in happy, healthy relationships, and learn from them. Use that positive energy to help you remember how much you love being married.
4. Marriage does not equal nightly foot massages. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way, but for whatever reason, try as I might, it just doesn’t happen. I really thought things would be different, but you win some, you lose some, I guess!
5. Learn from your spouse. Those things you love about him/her? Try to emulate those characteristics. Travis is kind to everyone. He never argues for the sake of arguing. He isn’t judgemental, and has the patience of a saint. I am the exact opposite of all of those traits, but man, do I recognize how wonderful they are and try to improve every day.
6. Communicate!! This is perhaps the most important one of them all. My mom attributes my parent’s divorce to lack of communication. Ask for help. Chat about upcoming plans. If there is something really small that is bothering you it is SOOOO much easier to just nicely mention it, rather than get angrier and angrier every time the act occurs. Travis is always trying to be the best husband he can be, but that is only possible if I am communicating my needs and feelings.
7. Create Traditions. We are still early in the tradition creating phase of our marriage, but the few that we have are so special. It gives us something to look forward to, and makes us feel closer to each other and our families.
8. Give your spouse the attention they deserve. Gosh, I need a constant reminder about this one! (And I can only imagine how much harder it gets when kids are thrown into the mix!) It can be especially hard, but even more important on weeknights, when we have been living our separate lives all day and all I want to do is zone out, while Travis is trying to talk about our days and catch up. He deserves my undivided attention, and the truth is, I enjoy talking to him and laughing at his silly jokes more than scrolling through social media, or watching TV…but I just need to remember to stay present and that this is the best part of my day!
9. Hug it out. I am not exactly a touchy-feely person. People that know me know I should walk around with a sign that says “not a hugger”. I don’t know why this is, but what I DO know, is that I love a good hug from my husband! Whether I am sad, tired, or happy, the more hugs the better. It’s so easy to go through our everyday lives, bumping into each other occasionally, but without much physical affection. The truth is, a hug is a perfect moment to stop and remember that we love and care about each other.
10. Be nice & Try Hard. This is a direct quote from Travis himself. Travis told me before we got married (and as part of our vows, actually) that this was all he asked of me, and that he would give me the same. It is such a simple phrase, and yet really encompasses everything we need for a happy marriage and life. (And can be used as a general mantra in life, married or not!) As long as we are nice to each other and try our best in everything that we do, we will support and honor each other, and have some fun along the way! He says that these are the core values he hopes to instill in our future children. And if we can do that, I would say we are doing a pretty good job!

So far (I don’t want to jinx anything 😉 ) this marriage thing is working out just fine. I love getting to hang out with my best friend every day, share our highs, and support each other during the more difficult times. It REALLY helps that am married to a wonderful man that is everything I wish I could be and loves me unconditionally!

Here’s to many more years of happiness and joy!